Top 5 Douchebags of the Week (Explicit Language Warning)

Every now and then I feel the need to compile a "Top 5 Douchebags of the Week" listing. This is one of those moments.

The GRAND PRIZE WINNER of "Top 5 Douchebags of the Week" is:

1) Chad Rogers (from Million Dollar Listing) - I don't mind a well groomed male but he's just ridiculously narcissistic and HIS hairspray usage alone is damaging a good 15% of our ozone layer. It doesn't help that he is obviously someone who got beat up a lot in middle school and for good reason. My 9 year old daughter could take him out and not only would I let her, I'd bring some popcorn and a few cheerleaders. He's so cheesy that he gives Cheez-Whiz a run for it's money and I generally just want to give him a slight shove off a busy, New York curb.

2) Jon Gosselin (formerly of Jon & Kate Plus 8 - now starring in "Watch How I can generally Disgust Every Person in America in Less Than a Year and Be Psychotically Public About It") - Jon has been staying strong in the Top 5 for months now. I'm not sure if it's his complete disregard for the feelings and privacy of his 8 children, his constant (creepy) Christian Audigier apparel, his self prostitution to any tabloid or Z-list event that will have him or if it's is very sparse hair plugs. I'm fairly certain it's all of the above.

3) Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester United Coach aka Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer) - Sir Alex likes to blame the refs and cry and complain whenever his team loses. I asked my husband for a more detailed description of his douchebaggery. He came up with: "He's just a whiny, bitch"..I'm okay with that description.

4) Jayde Nicole (Some skanky chic that not only dates Brody Jenner but has managed to get into a bar fight with Joe Francis that SHE started) - Yes, folks. Girls can be nominated to the Top 5 Douchebag of the Week award. She's been on the list for some time as well. I think it all started when I found that she had the word "RESPECT" tattooed above her southern, girly bits. Nothing says class like a vajayjay tattoo..

5) Alex Rodriguez ( New York Yankees) - Erm..just pretty much because he plays for the Yankees and helps them win.

I am not 5 years old..

Leave it to me to find a Kindergarten teacher annoying. It's universally known that Kindergarten teachers are the sweetest, most patient people on the planet. I could argue that those qualities are what I find annoying but in fact, it's much more direct.

My son's Kindergarten teacher talks to me as if I'm 5 years old. It's odd and irritating. It's reminiscent of the way one speaks to a really cute, little frou frou dog - the kind that wear bows and sport painted nails. "Oh Peaches, you're such a cute little fluff bag aren't you, yesss you are, yess you are".. You get the drift, right?

It also doesn't help that when I need to meet with her for whatever reason, I am forced to sit in a fricken mini chair. I am not a large woman. I am about 5' 6" and weigh 125 pounds (okay closer to 135 - doughnuts and beer make dieting impossible) but when I have to sit in chairs that are 6 inches off the ground and one butt cheek wide - well, it just makes me feel like Kirstie Alley and I don't like feeling that way. I mean, hey - the schools can afford mini-laptops for each Kindergarten student but can't afford a few adult sized chairs for conferences and such? It's demeaning and odd.

Anyway - all this got me wondering how said Kindergarten teacher interacts with her husband at home. If he doesn't take out the trash does he have to sit on a bean bag in "time out zone" while she patiently talks to him about the virtues of "staying on task"? When he tries to get lucky at night night time does she sweetly tell him to "respect her space and keep his hands to himself'"?

What exactly goes on with Kindergarten teachers after they leave a day filled with 5 year olds and enter the adult realm?

Hmph.